The psychic medium in me (a little history of how I became what I already was)

I’ve always been an explorer of the seen and the unseen. When I look back now in my life, it really doesn’t surprise me that I am choosing to develop as a psychic medium, or rather it chose me. Spirit is seeking connection with us all. I talk about some of my history in the last OBE blog, so some might be repetitive if you read that blog. We are all mediums naturally, but like other professions there are those who are drawn to it and developed their skills with practice, classes, workshops, school, etc.

I tried to write this blog as points within my life, like pieces of a puzzle, as I became more aware with my psychic nature/gifts. I’ve also had a lot of fear and resistance in the past when it came to my psychic gifts, so I would shut them down for periods of time. Like many of us, I didn’t have a mentor to help guide me through these experiences, nor did I have any idea what they were at times.
My first encounter with a professional psychic wasn’t until my late twenties when spirit put me in the right spot at the right time. I had that old stereotype of psychics as being an old woman with a crystal ball nonsense and almost taboo. And I certainly had no idea what a psychic medium was until my 30’s when I was once again put in the right place at the right time from spirit, and my grandma.

 I was a shy child and liked to play with imaginary friends. I loved to be by myself painting, drawing, writing or just observing the world. I felt like I could understand what people were thinking and feeling intuitively. I would purposely merge with their energies and emotions. Almost like putting on a coat. By doing this I realized that I was able to understand the person and their motives well, which now I understand was developed more of a survival skill from childhood trauma. But when you have trauma in your family early on, you adapt in your own way. Then it took me years to learn not to merge with other peoples energies all the time and develop healthier boundaries. Now, as a working & practicing psychic when I do this, it’s to merge with a persons aura, or energy field during a reading when they have allowed for this, so I can try to help the person. I also ground before and after to be careful not to take on their ’stuff’ after the reading is over.

As a teenager I became more sensitive to interactions with people. I began to want to escape more often. Being a teenager is difficult anyway, but I also had unhealthy boundaries and psychic sensitivities to accentuate it. At age 14, psychedelics became me main escape route for a good 2-3 years. They were a tool for me to become closer to the spirit world. I didn’t know what this world was, I just knew that it often felt more real and safe for me then the ‘real’ world. I loved the way it broke up time and space. I do believe these psychedelics helped to accentuate my sensitives and channeling, but abuse of them had consequences. Also, don’t think you need to take psychedelics to become aware of your psychic nature, meditation is a profound tool for opening up. I also would not recommend actively taking them or any other drugs/alcohol while you are developing psychic gifts. I’m a firm believer like many, of a life of sobriety for psychics. You need to be very clear in your own self and body to be sensitive enough to understand where all the energies are coming from when you’re channeling. What’s your energy, what is spirits, and what is the clients.

So anyway, I ended up in a hospital for depression and being suicidal when I was 16. I talk more about that experience in the last OBE blog. The hospital was a wakeup call for me to get sober and to care about myself. I threw my energies into art which helped me to continue to channel in healthier way through artistic expression and share these visions with others. I decided to go to art school to further enrich my artistic gifts.

One way I tried to cope with these psychic energies in school, and OBE’s I was had in class, was to sit by a large oak tree right outside my dorm. I would plant myself there for several hours feeling safe and grounded by the tree. I have a few friends school that have brought up this memory of seeing me sitting by that tree over the years. Another place I would visit was the beautiful large cemetery not too far from the school. I only knew one person buried there, but I always felt drawn to the grounding and peacefulness I felt there. I would sit and close my eyes and be still for an hour or so, and sometimes bring my drawing pad with.

In photography class we had an assignment to go to a business and investigate with our camera to show the world what we saw. Then give a presentation to the class with the prints. I decided to go to a funeral home, and cemetery to document what happens there.
Also, my husband recalls me dragging him to a cemetery near where we live now years ago and doing yoga there :) Even though I wasn’t religious, I was always sensing spirit, and consider myself a spiritual person, a seeker, a visionary.

I then studied abroad in a few countries. In Iceland, I befriended a raven who would sit in my windowsill every morning. I am convinced it sent me telepathic messages through my dreams. I met a very good friend there, Ragnhildur who was into forest spirits and ghost busting. I didn’t think of it much at the time, because I was so focused on my art project in Iceland, that only now it makes so much sense to me what she had told me about only a few months before she became ill.

Ragnhildur died about 5 years after I had met her. I’m a firm believer that we meet people for a reason. I’d gone back to Iceland several times to visit, and was grateful to visit with her only months before she passed. After she passed away, she came to me while I was sitting in my old apartment making a painting. She came to me clairvoyantly, her presence was so intense I nearly fell off my chair. She told me “I’m ok, I’m not in pain anymore.” Then I had impressions that we were both on a train, going opposite directions, I tried to jump out onto her train, I remember feeling like I didn’t want to let her go. She said “I’ll be around don’t be sad, but this is not your train ride yet” Then her train disappeared.

Shortly after her passing, I was with my husband at a restaurant/ lounge area about to meet up with a friend. There was a man reading cards at one of the tables. I felt like a magnetic pull towards him. My husband suggested that I go get a reading from him. This was my very first reading. The psychic told me I had some gifts and encouraged me to develop them. I told him about the ghost that I was seeing in our apartment during my sleep paralysis (see my OBE blog for story) to see if he could help me with that. He encouraged me to talk to the spirit. Often spirits that hang around on earth plane are lost and just need some direction. Perhaps I could help this spirit? Suddenly I heard the psychics birthday date in my mind, there was a feeling of a connection to one of my grandmas. I told him out of the blue this, and what my grandmas birthday was. He said had the same birthday as her! Thinking he was just humoring me, I made him show me his drivers license. Sure enough he had the same birthday. He told my husband who was sitting near by that I defiantly have gifts and encouraged me to develop them. (p.s. I don’t go around guessing birthdays, actually numbers are pretty new for me. I believe this was a type of evidence spirit gave to me at that sitting for a wake up call.) He offered to mentor me, so I could start developing and tuning into my psychic skills. I agreed to, but after a few weeks I ended up backing down out of fear of it all and didn’t contact him again.

As for the ghost in my apartment, I tried to help the spirit, but in this case, it was more the spirit was helping me. The spirit came to me in a very vivid dream, he showed me many images quickly in a sequence of fish, plants, earth, birds, animals, landscapes, the earth, space, babies, kids, adults…and he said “see we are all connected through this light” Then a gate and door with many windows appeared, he said “Do you want to see what’s on the other side?” I said “yes!” Immediately, I was standing in front of this gate, it opened and I had my hand on the doorknob, when fear struck. I said “no, no I can’t go in there, please take me back” And I woke up.

I didn’t see the ghost again, he tired, but I was blocking this channel that was starting to open. I did this around the next five years. I partied and had fun with friends, and over indulged and medicated myself to try and push my sensitive energies down. Let me tell you resistance just makes you miserable.

Spirit just kept trying to get my attention! I recall around that time my husband and I were out on a date in downtown. We were walking from the car to the restaurant and this woman started yelling something to us from across the street. I was ignoring and just keep walking. But my husband told me to wait and listen to what she is saying. We stopped for a second and she said to my husband “ She had some powerful gifts, she is very intuitive, but she doesn’t know it yet” I brushed her off and kept walking. My husband said to me “Well she’s probably right, you are really intuitive. You should look into it more. “

One of my grandpas died a few months after my first child was born. I was standing in my kitchen looking out the window doing the dishes while my was son swaddled napping on the sofa. It was a dreary and rainy day when suddenly the sun came out and part of a rainbow appeared in the sky. I felt my Papa’s presence near and got goosebumps. I heard him say “Don’t be sad, I’m in a good place. Look at that beautiful boy on your sofa, he is so precious, he is a gift. Go to him”.

About this time, I began to hear voices and sense spirits right before I would fall asleep at night. And I don’t mean the first stages of sleep, I wasn't asleep yet. I would be lying in bed relaxing when I would sense a group of people in a circle around me talking about what is best for me. It felt like a circle of loving parents speaking about what’s best for their child. I found it comforting when it would happen.

Right about the time we moved out of state, my son was 1 years old and my grandma died about this time. I remember she came to me in a vivid spirit visitation dream. She told me she had a lot of regrets in the way she parented her children. And to pass along the message to my mom. She also wanted to help me. Shortly after I saw an advertisement for a psychic medium on Facebook. I felt very drawn to this person, and they were going to be coming to do an event near our town. I felt like my grandma was guiding me there. I bought a ticket and went. The audience was a couple hundred people at least. I was sitting in the very back of the audience. The medium started to bring messages through and within a few pieces of evidence I knew it was for me, my grandma, everything about the evidence was her. The message the medium delivered ws message about her and my moms relationship, and then he focused in on me. He said “ You’re a psychic too? You are already in this line of work, that’s what spirit is saying to me.” I told him “No, no. I’m just interested, and felt pulled here.” He told me that I was very intuitive and to keep going in this direction, and that my grandma would be helping me by showing me signs.

This is when I really started to be open to all of this. And as you already heard, I was resisting it out of fear and skepticism for a long time. Even after this medium, it took me another two years before I began taking classes and workshops. And I went to two more well known mediums to see if it came up in their readings without me prompting them. They also picked up on this in me. I kept making art, and the next few shows I had were at a gallery that was focused on paranormal, metaphysical, death and spirits. It was across the street from a cemetery and all my paintings in the show there fit right in.

During the two years between that first psychic mediumship reading and when I began development, two more family members died. My dad and my other grandma. When my dad died. It really rocked my world. I had a premonition the night before he was rushed to the hospital. In the dream I saw an ocean and blue skies on the horizon. Everything was calm one second, and then storm clouds and several spirits with large heads floating across the horizon. They said “ We’re coming for your dad”. Despite the scary message, they had a calming voice and peaceful presence. I woke up and told my husband, who said that I was probably just worried about my dad. Later that evening we got the news he had 2 weeks to live.

I told my dad on his death bed to make sure and send me signs after he was gone. He kind of laughed but agreed. He wasn’t religious, nor did her really believe in the afterlife, but he had an open mind, and loved scifi and extraordinary events. I was in the room with him when he died along with other family. About a minute before the pronounced him dead, I received a clairvoyant image of a bouquet of red roses. I knew it was sent from him as a sign of love to us.

Over the years since he’s passed I have been fortunate to receive many beautiful signs, spirit visitation dreams, and other messages during mediumship circles. Also the day I was going to give birth to my second child, I went on a walk down to a stream near where we lived. I was watching the rushing flow of the water and thought this is the flow of life, this is what will happen today. I crossed the bridge over the stream and suddenly I saw my dad in a holographic form on the right side of my body for a few seconds. It was an amazing, comforting feeling, and I knew I was supported during this special day.

After my second child was born, it was like spirit was on a mission to get me to start to really take my gifts seriously. Things started to accelerate, and when I would resist out of old fear habits and skepticism, I would get sick, or feel really depressed. In the past year can I fully say that I’m 100% on board with spirit. I’ve taken classes, workshops, continual practicing with other psychics, mediumship circles, reading, etc. in the past two years now to learn, self develop (which is a big part of psychic development) and developing my skills as a medium. It’s amazing what happens when you are on a path that aligns with your soul. I’m not saying it’s all easy, not at all. But when I make mistakes, or have slow periods, or worrying at times of my next step, there is an openness about it all. A support, a higher purpose, a loving connection. Also a deeper trust in oneself that in turn cultivates faith and beauty outward. I seek to share this when connecting to others and in my readings. This is my spirituality, this is a part of me, my expression, my life and I’m just grateful that I’m in a really free space with it all.

I hope this little blog has helped you if you are in the space that I was in for so long. Really it all comes down to building trust within yourself, and spirit. If you are in a space where you would like to develop your skills, I highly recommend reading and taking courses with teachers you feel comfortable with. Find like minded people who support you and your growth. Also practice, practice, practice. With other intuitives, with friends or family members you feel comfortable with. We are all in a constant state of development. I love taking courses with teachers, I can’t soak up enough. Theres so much to learn always. After all we are all here to learn from each other.

-XO Nicole